You may be a Chemist if:

you wash your hands BEFORE going to the bathroom.
you can't see the word molasses without thinking of a joke.
you can sing the periodic table.
you can think of six mnemonic devices but can only remember

what one of them represents.
you can't watch a pharmaceutical commercial without correcting

the pronunciations.
you become preoccupied thinking about the wave function of a

duck.
you think about designing a container for a universal solvent.
the only lab experiments you remember are those that you

screwed up.
the only lab experiments you talk about are those that somebody

else screwed up.
you read the word "unionized" without any thoughts of labor and

management.
you look at yourself in a mirror and try to decide which is D and

which is L.
you truly believe that a neat desk indicates a frightened mind.
you think mathematicians are less nerdy than physicists.
you worry about how they get Teflon to stick to the pan.
you think of the laboratory as "the real world".
several of your colleagues remind you of John Forbes Nash, Jr. in

the movie "A Beautiful Mind" - without the brilliance, of course.
you observe National Mole Day on 10/23, and have even

calculated the "mole second".
you think Chemistry is pHun.
you put your coat on after you get to work.
after a few drinks, you think you're spinning at your "magic

angle".

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