Old Coot Test
You know that you are an Old Coot when
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You sit on a rocking chair and can't get it going.
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Your knees buckle but your belt won't.
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Your back goes out more than you do.
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You hear a Beatles' song from your youth on the Muzak in the elevator.
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Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
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Your little black book contains only names ending in "M.D."
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You can't wait for Baskin-Robbins to market an oat-bran ice cream.
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You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
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The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
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You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
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You need glasses to find your glasses.
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You know what LSMFT means.
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You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the
wrong wall.
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You're still chasing women, but can't remember why.
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Your mind makes contracts that your body can't meet.
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The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
--The above were published by Dr. Gott without attribution